Sharon Salzberg

Evolutionary biologists tell us we have a __egativity bias_ that makes our brains remember negative events more strongly than positive ones. So when we__e feeling lost or discouraged, it can be very hard to conjure up memories and feelings of happiness and ease.

We long for permanence but everything in the known universe is transient. That__ a fact but one we fight.

Though it may seem counter intuitive to our inner perfectionist, recognizing our mistakes as valuable lessons (not failures) helps us lay the groundwork for later success.

Intellectually, we may appreciate that loving ourselves would give us a firm foundation but for most of us this is a leap of logic, not a leap of the heart.

When our focus is on seeking, perfecting, or clinging to romance, the charge is often generated by instability, rather than by an authentic connection with another person.

We have to know ourselves to know where we end and another person begins, and we have to develop the skills to navigate the space between us. Or else we will seek wholeness through false means that honor neither us nor those we love.

Whatever language we use use to describe healthy relationships, when we__e in them, we feel nourished by them, in body as well as mind.

What makes awe such a powerful call to love is that it__ disruptive. It sneaks up on us. It doesn__ ask our permission to wow us; it just does. Awe can arise from a single glance, a sound, a gesture.

Sanskrit has different words to describe love for a brother or sister, love for a teacher, love for a partner, love for one__ friends, love of nature, and so on. English has only one word, which leads to never-ending confusion.

Without equanimity, we might give love to others only in an effort to bridge the inevitable and healthy space that always exists between two people.

One foundation of loving relationships is curiosity, keeping open to the idea that we have much to learn even about those we have been close to for decades.

Mindfulness won__ ensure you__l win an argument with your sister. Mindfulness won__ enable you to bypass your feelings of anger or hurt either. But it may help you see the conflict in a new way, one that allows you to break through old patterns.

As soon as we ask whether or not a story is true in the present moment, we empower ourselves to re-frame it.

Buddhist teachings discourage us from clinging and grasping to those we hold dear, and from trying to control the people or the relationship. What__ more, we__e encouraged to accept the impermanence of all things: the flower that blooms today will be gone tomorrow, the objects we possess will break or fade or lose their utility, our relationships will change, life will end.

When we set an intention to explore our emotional hot spots, we create a pathway to real love.

From our first breath to our last, we__e presented again and again with the opportunity to experience deep, lasting, and trans-formative connection with other beings: to love them and be loved by them; to show them our true natures and to recognize theirs.

Love is a living capacity within us that is always present, even when we don__ sense it.

Cultivating loving kindness for ourselves is the foundation of real love for our friends and family, for new people we encounter in our daily lives, for all beings and for life itself.