Nina LaCour

I was so blinded by her talent that I didn't recognize the tremendous pain behind her work. She gave me hundreds of images, so many chances to see that she was in trouble. I failed her.

You're never going to be ready"..."Don't you see that? You have to forget about ready. If you don't, you're always going to run away

It was the moment I realized what music can do to people, how it can make you hurt and feel so good all at once.

The best things aren't perfectly constructed. They aren't illusions. they aren't larger than life. They are life.

It isn't the happy ending Ingrid and I had dreamed up, but it's all a part of what I'm working through. The way life changes. The way people and things disappear. Then appear, unexpectedly, and hold you close.

I imagine what would happen if everyone turned their regrets into wishes, went around shouting them.

There__ still this thing that happens after you break up withsomeone. It barely takes any time to work. All you have to dois continue with your life, and then when you find yourself in aroom with her again it__ as if you__e a different person. Maybeyour posture is a little more confident. Maybe your laughter islouder. You__e wearing perfume she__ never smelled before andyou have a new way of pinning back your hair. You don__ evenhave to say anything because your presence alone is enough tosay Look at who I am without you.

We love films because they make us feel something. They speak to our desires, which are never small. They allow us to escape and to dream and to gaze into eyes that are impossibly beautiful and huge. They fill us with longing. But also. They tell us to remember; they remind us of life. Remember, they say, how much it hurts to have your heart broken. Remember about death and suffering and the complexities of living. Remember what it is like to love someone. Remember how it is to be loved. Remember what you feel in this moment. Remember this. Remember this.

We love films because they makes us feel something. They speak to our desires, which are never small. They allow us to escape and to dream and to gaze into the eyes that are impossibly beautiful and huge. They fill us with longing. But also. they tell us to remember; they remind us of life. Remember, they say, how much it hurts to have your heart broken.

Don't you want to kiss me?' she asks.She smiles just a little, a hopeful, sweet smile, but buried in it is that confidence that slays me.

It's the opposite of the collapse of the fantasy.It's what happens when the illusion pales in comparison to the truth. I'm seeing her for the first time. Not Ava Garden Wilder, the rags-to-riches granddaughter of Clyde Jones. Not a tragic, romantic heroine. Just Ava.And I am utterly in love.

...I think that people who make judgements about other people they don't even know are shallow, and people who start rumors are shallow, and I really don't care what shallow people say about me.

I hate that word. Straight. At the very least, those of us who are nonstraight should get called curvy. Or scenic. Actually, I like that: 'Do you think she's straight?' 'Oh no. She's scenic

You've never told him", Violet says. It's not a question. It's obvious."I tell him all the time - I just make sure it's never when he's listening. I say it when he's in the other room, or when he's asleep, or when the music's really loud. Sometimes he asks me what I just said. And I tell him never mind. Or I make up something else, something that isn't 'I love you'.

We were nostalgic for a time that wasn't yet over.

I leaned over the sink, closer to my reflection, and stare at myself hard. I don't know what I see. I don't even know what I want to see.

I'm sorry I left without telling you," she says. "I wasn't ready. I wanted it so much, and I wasn't ready for that.

It isn't the happy ending that Ingrid and I have dreamed up, but it's all a part of what I'm working through. The way life changes. The way people and things disappear. Then appear, unexpectedly, and had you close