Ellen DeGeneres

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.

Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.

Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.

It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.

I have sadness in me. I have anger in me. I have heartbreak in me.

I think everybody should have the same anger towards the injustice that's happening and the hatred that's happening, and just fight it with love and compassion.

I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world.

I was raised in an atmosphere of 'everything's fine.' But as I got older, I was like, 'Well no, everything's not fine. There is stuff that's sad.' I am a really sensitive person. I think I am too sensitive sometimes.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called.