Chuck Palahniuk

Sex pretty much cures everything.

My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.

I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a hot-gushing, butt-cramping, gut hosing orgasm.

For sure, even the worst blow job is better than, say, sniffing the best rose ... watching the greatest sunset. Hearing children laugh.

It's pathetic how we can't live with the things we don't understand. How we need everything labeled and explained and deconstructed. Even if it's for sure unexplainable. Even God.

Good news didn't seem real until you'd told at least a dozen friends.

The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close-up. The shortcut to closing a door is to bury yourself in the details. This is how we must look to God. As if everything's just fine.

We have pain and hate and love and joy and war in the world because we want them.

Even if you tell yourself "Today I'm going to drink coffee the wrong way ... from a dirty boot." Even that would be right, because you chose to drink coffee from that boot.Because you can do nothing wrong. You are always right. Even when you say, "I'm such an idiot, I'm so wrong..." you're right. You're right about being wrong. You're right even when you're an idiot. No matter how stupid your idea, you're doomed to be right because it's yours.

What if reality is nothing but some disease?

I hate how I don't feel real enough unless people are watching.

We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.

some soap opera, you know, real people pretending to be fake people with made-up problems being watched by real people to forget their real problems.

Real smart begins when you quit quoting other people.

Because supposedly those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.

It's exhausting, the energy it takes to unknow a truth.

We've taken the world apart but we have no idea what to do with the pieces.

Maybe the truth is I really want to like you instead.