Charlotte Eriksson

This world can be quite wonderful once you let yourself be a part of it. It__ on your side, you know?

I don__ want to be a critic of the world. I want to encourage it.

I was running and deliberately lost my way. The world far off and nothing but my breath and the very next step and it__ like hypnosis. The feeling of conquering my own aliveness with no task but to keep going, making every way the right away and that__ a metaphor for everything.

Dear world, I am excited to be alive in you, and I am thankful for another year.

Living in this skin is hard and painful, most of the times, because I never volunteered to take this on. The daily sacrifice of heart over mind,the forever ongoing task of explaining this and that,and why I don__ want to look like this and be like thatbut still here I am and if this is the body I__e been given I__ sure as hell gonna make it work.

I am living a simple life with a complicated mind and I have yet to find a state of mind where I feel safe with who I am, where I am, with what I do.

Let me wake up next to you, have coffee in the morning and wander through the city with your hand in mine, and I'll be happy for the rest of my fucked up little life.

Human interaction. The most complicated form of happiness I will never figure out.

You were the hardest year of my life and I__e never been so happy. What does that say about me?

Am I making something worth while?I__ not sure.I write and I sing and I hear words from time to time about my life and choices making ways, into other lives, other hearts,but am I making something worth while?I__ not sure.There was a boy last night who I never spoke to because I was too drunk and still shy, but mostly lonely, and I couldn__ find anything lightly to say,so I simply walked awaybut still wondered what he did with his lifebecause he didn__ even speak to meor look at mebut still made me wonder who he wasand I walked away askingAm I making something worth while?I am not sure.I am a complicated person with a simple lifeand I am the reason for everything that ever happened to me.

It all takes time and lessons and places, but I__ learning to listen to my restless heart, telling me to __o, go, go!

I am clumsy, drop glasses and get drunk on Monday afternoons. I read Seneca and can recite Shakespeare by heart, but I mess up the laundry, don__ answer my phone and blame the world when something goes wrong. I think I have a dream, but most of the days I__ still sleeping. The grass is cut. It smells like strawberries. Today I finished four books and cleaned my drawers. Do you believe in a God? Can I tell you about Icarus? How he flew too close to the sun?I want to make coming home your favourite part of the day. I want to leave tiny little words lingering in your mind, on nights when you__e far away and can__ sleep. I want to make everything around us beautiful; make small things mean a little more. Make you feel a little more. A little better, a little lighter. The coffee is warm, this cup is yours. I want to be someone you can__ live without.I want to be someone you can__ live without.

Loveis not leaning on each other, adjusting to fit a different size.Loveis simply two hands reached out in the darkness,saying; I__l be your light, if you__l be mine.

Take a shower. Wash away every trace of yesterday. Of smells. Of weary skin. Get dressed. Make coffee, windows open, the sun shining through. Hold the cup with two hands and notice that you feel the feeling of warmth.__ You still feel warmth.__ow sit down and get to work. Keep your mind sharp, head on, eyes on the page and if small thoughts of worries fight their ways into your consciousness: threw them off like fires in the night and keep your eyes on the track. Nothing but the task in front of you._Get off your chair in the middle of the day. Put on your shoes and take a long walk on open streets around people. Notice how they__e all walking, in a hurry, or slowly. Smiling, laughing, or eyes straight forward, hurried to get to wherever they__e going. And notice how you__e just one of them. Not more, not less. Find comfort in the way you__e just one in the crowd. Your worries: no more, no less.Go back home. Take the long way just to not pass the liquor store. Don__ buy the cigarettes. Go straight home. Take off your shoes. Wash your hands. Your face. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. It__ still beating. Still fighting. Now get back to work.__ork with your mind sharp and eyes focused and if any thoughts of worries or hate or sadness creep their ways around, shake them off like a runner in the night for you own your mind, and you need to tame it. Focus. Keep it sharp on track, nothing but the task in front of you.Work until your eyes are tired and head is heavy, and keep working even after that. Then take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes.__otice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more.___ou__e doing just fine.__ou__e doing fine.I__ doing just fine.

I took him to the river and said __et__ watch something drown,_ So he took a stoneand I took my necklaceand we threw it all together,the way I always think I will get better in July. Things will change and sounds won__ acheand I gave my heart to uncertainty so many times, and so I took him to the river,threw the necklace in the river to slowly watch it drown, or burn, or fade awaylike I__e done so many times.

I am not a broken heart,and I am not your fault.

Nothing much bothered you for a while and you kept walking like a silhouette through this town, saying hi__ and goodbyes, acting polite at all times. But there is no fire in your heart; you are not very concerned.

I was stressed and scared and I had to hurry to be someone, become something, do something. I was running and talking and cursed myself when I wasted my time on things that wouldn__ get me anywhere. It was work and it was money and I was never where I was, always somewhere else in my head far, far away.