On its own, my internal dissociated part now came to the surface, and I found myself hiding from everyone. I still was not connecting it to the dream I'd had. At one time I had thought I could control these sudden episodes, but I was apparently mistaken. I had grown very unsure about every facet of my mental health. A disturbed part of me was taking over and I was terrified. I began to wonder if Big Suzie would completely cease to exist.
I think the therapists around this place think that if you know yourself, then somehow you__l be better and healthier and you__l be able to leave this place and live out your days as a happy and loving human being. Happy. Loving. I hate those words. I__ supposed to like them. I__ supposed to want them. I don__. Don__ like them, don__ want them. This is the way I see it: if you get to know yourself really well, you might discover that deep down inside you__e just a dirty, disgusting, and selfish piece of shit. What if my heart is all rotted out and corrupted? What about that? What am I supposed to do with that information? Just tell me that. Most of the time I get the feeling that I__ just an animal disguised as an eighteen-year-old guy. At least I__ hoping that maybe deep down inside I__ a coyote.
Last Night I Sang to the Monster
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I think the therapists around this place think that if you know yourself, then somehow you__l be better and healthier and you__l be able to leave this place and live out your days as a happy and loving human being. Happy. Loving. I hate those words. I__ supposed to like them. I__ supposed to want them. I don__. Don__ like them, don__ want them. This is the way I see it: if you get to know yourself really well, you might discover that deep down inside you__e just a dirty, disgusting, and selfish piece of shit. What if my heart is all rotted out and corrupted? What about that? What am I supposed to do with that information? Just tell me that. Most of the time I get the feeling that I__ just an animal disguised as an eighteen-year-old guy. At least I__ hoping that maybe deep down inside I__ a coyote.
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