To feel our character, our personality, and our personal, hard-won history fade from being is to be exposed to whatever lies beneath these comforting, operational conveniences. What remains when the conscious and functioning self has been erased is mankind's fundamental condition _ irrational, violent, guilt-wracked, despairing, and mad.
I wish I could do whatever I liked behind the curtain of __adness_. Then: I__ arrange flowers, all day long, I__ paint; pain, love and tenderness, I would laugh as much as I feel like at the stupidity of others, and they would all say: __oor thing, she__ crazy!_ (Above all I would laugh at my own stupidity.) I would build my world which while I lived, would be in agreement with all the worlds. The day, or the hour, or the minute that I lived would be mine and everyone else__ - my madness would not be an escape from __eality_.
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I wish I could do whatever I liked behind the curtain of __adness_. Then: I__ arrange flowers, all day long, I__ paint; pain, love and tenderness, I would laugh as much as I feel like at the stupidity of others, and they would all say: __oor thing, she__ crazy!_ (Above all I would laugh at my own stupidity.) I would build my world which while I lived, would be in agreement with all the worlds. The day, or the hour, or the minute that I lived would be mine and everyone else__ - my madness would not be an escape from __eality_.
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