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He was the most astonishing contradiction of components I__ ever encountered. Shy yet fiercely communicative when putting an idea into your head. Vocally astringent regarding his own abilities but not to the point that he couldn__ produce__e was as prolific an artist (yes, an artist, and I never use the term, especially regarding people I like) I__e ever seen. But I could feel it. Everything he sketched, penciled, inked, made__as a payment, one he could scarcely afford; as if it physically hurt him to put pencil to paper. Yet that only seemed to spur him on, to live far beyond his means. He was unable not to. For Sketch, to draw was to breath, and so the air became lead__ilvery in the right light, dark soot in the wrong; heavy, slick and malleable__nto shapes he brought together in glorious orchestration, with a child__ eye and a rocket scientist__ precision, all fortified by a furious melancholy, a quiet engine of sourceless shame and humility.When it came to another__ work, he longed to praise it but then couldn__ resist critiquing it all within an inch of its life, analyzing deficiencies with uncontrollable abandon and laser accuracy. He was sharp as his Radio 914 pen nibs, and as pointed.And then he__ apologize. Oh, he would apologize: Oh my GOD, forgive me, please don__ hate me, I__ SORRY, don__ listen to me, why am I saying things, what do I know, I don__ know anything, why do you listen to me you should just tell me to shut UP, I__ awful, forgive me, you hate me, don__ you? Tell the truth. Please don__ hate me. Please don__. Please.
Chip Kidd The Learners
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He was the most astonishing contradiction of components I__ ever encountered. Shy yet fiercely communicative when putting an idea into your head. Vocally astringent regarding his own abilities but not to the point that he couldn__ produce__e was as prolific an artist (yes, an artist, and I never use the term, especially regarding people I like) I__e ever seen. But I could feel it. Everything he sketched, penciled, inked, made__as a payment, one he could scarcely afford; as if it physically hurt him to put pencil to paper. Yet that only seemed to spur him on, to live far beyond his means. He was unable not to. For Sketch, to draw was to breath, and so the air became lead__ilvery in the right light, dark soot in the wrong; heavy, slick and malleable__nto shapes he brought together in glorious orchestration, with a child__ eye and a rocket scientist__ precision, all fortified by a furious melancholy, a quiet engine of sourceless shame and humility.When it came to another__ work, he longed to praise it but then couldn__ resist critiquing it all within an inch of its life, analyzing deficiencies with uncontrollable abandon and laser accuracy. He was sharp as his Radio 914 pen nibs, and as pointed.And then he__ apologize. Oh, he would apologize: Oh my GOD, forgive me, please don__ hate me, I__ SORRY, don__ listen to me, why am I saying things, what do I know, I don__ know anything, why do you listen to me you should just tell me to shut UP, I__ awful, forgive me, you hate me, don__ you? Tell the truth. Please don__ hate me. Please don__. Please.
CK
Chip Kidd

The Learners

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I have no idea how long Quisser was gone from the table. My attention became fully absorbed by the other faces in the club and the deep anxiety they betrayed to me, an anxiety that was not of the natural, existential sort but one that was caused by peculiar concerns of an uncanny nature. What a season is upon us, these faces seemed to say. And no doubt their voices would have spoken directly of certain peculiar concerns had they not been intimidated into weird equivocations and double entendres by the fear of falling victim to the same kind of unnatural affliction that had made so much trouble in the mind of the art critic Stuart Quisser. Who would be next? What could a person say these days, or even think, without feeling the dread of repercussion from powerfully connected groups and individuals? I could almost hear their voices asking, "Why here, why now?" But of course they could have just as easily been asking, "Why not here, why not now?" It would not occur to this crowd that there were no special rules involved; it would not occur to them, even though they were a crowd of imaginative artists, that the whole thing was simply a matter of random, purposeless terror that converged upon a particular place at a particular time for no particular reason. On the other hand, it would also not have occurred to them that they might have wished it all upon themselves, that they might have had a hand in bringing certain powerful forces and connections into our district simply by wishing them to come. They might have wished and wished for an unnatural evil to fall upon them but, for a while at least, nothing happened. Then the wishing stopped, the old wishes were forgotten yet at the same time gathered in strength, distilling themselves into a potent formula (who can say!), until one day the terrible season began. Because had they really told the truth, this artistic crowd might also have expressed what a sense of meaning (although of a negative sort), not to mention the vigorous thrill (although of an excruciating type), this season of unnatural evil had brought to their lives.("Gas Station Carnivals")

TL
Thomas Ligotti

The Nightmare Factory

"

...hanging out does not make one an artist. A secondhand wardrobe does not make one an artist. Neither do a hair-trigger temper, melancholic nature, propensity for tears, hating your parents, nor even HIV - I hate to say it - none of these make one an artist. They can help, but just as being gay does not make one witty (you can suck a mile of cock, as my friend Sarah Thyre puts it, it still won't make you Oscar Wilde, believe me), the only thing that makes one an artist is making art. And that requires the precise opposite of hanging out; a deeply lonely and unglamorous task of tolerating oneself long enough to push something out.

"

But the artist appeals to that part of our being which is not dependent on wisdom; to that in us which is a gift and not an acquisition_ and, therefore, more permanently enduring. He speaks to our capacity for delight and wonder, to the sense of mystery surrounding our lives; to our sense of pity, and beauty, and pain; to the latent feeling of fellowship with all creation_ and to the subtle but invincible conviction of solidarity that knits together the loneliness of innumerable hearts, to the solidarity in dreams, in joy, in sorrow, in aspirations, in illusions, in hope, in fear, which binds men to each other, which binds together all humanity_ the dead to the living and the living to the unborn.

JC
Joseph Conrad

The Nigger of the Narcissus